Raleigh, NC (UPI) --
Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This anouncement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment; whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits..
However, Gordon got more than he bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN, and sold the car to Dale Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.
Showing posts with label Rednecks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rednecks. Show all posts
Cooter & Gomer
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .'
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up...Roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two assh*les.'
'What? He had two assh*les?' asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:
'There's Stanley with them two assh*les.'
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .'
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up...Roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two assh*les.'
'What? He had two assh*les?' asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:
'There's Stanley with them two assh*les.'
THE REDNECK VASECTOMY
But of course.
-Pam
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
( you'll love this...)
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia and Washington DC.
-Pam
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
( you'll love this...)
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia and Washington DC.
Tracks
Three hicks were out hunting and came across a set of tracks.
The first hunter said, "Wow look at these tracks these look like tracks
from a huge bear."
The second hunter said, "You are crazy these are elk tracks."
Before the third hunter could say anything a train ran over them.....
I guess I'm a Redneck, too
A True Redneck - this isn't your typical red-neck joke.
We have enjoyed the red-neck jokes for years. It's time to take a
reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home,
family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who
threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so red-necks to back me up.
Tire irons, squirrel guns, and grit -- that's what red-necks are made
of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your
red-neck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are.
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by
the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'
We have enjoyed the red-neck jokes for years. It's time to take a
reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home,
family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who
threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so red-necks to back me up.
Tire irons, squirrel guns, and grit -- that's what red-necks are made
of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your
red-neck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are.
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by
the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10
Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter
Festival.'
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart
when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with
great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag, nor
intend to.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't
afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids
to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like
me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those
talked about in this email.
God Bless the USA !
-Author Unknown
Southern Home Security System
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's work boots, used,
size 14-16. $2.00
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo
Magazine. Magazine - $3.00
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. $5.00
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
size 14-16. $2.00
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo
Magazine. Magazine - $3.00
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. $5.00
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim: I went for more shotgun shells and to
pick my check up from the slaughterhouse. I should be back in an hour..
Don't mess with the Pit Bulls--don't know what got into them, but they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house..
Better wait out here on the porch.
"Cooter"
These jokes remind me of Henny Youngman or one of the other classic standups from the Catskills or thereabouts. If you know who wrote these jokes, please comment here. I'd love to give credit where credit is due. Thanks! - Pam
-------------------------------------------------------
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
----------------------------------------------------
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.
-------------------------------------------------------
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
seemed way too qualified for the job.
'Look Miss,' said the foreman, 'have you any actual experience in picking lemons?'
'Well, as a matter if fact, yes!' she replied. 'I've been divorced three times.'
-------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
-------------------------------------------------------
Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
All the DNA is the same.
-------------------------------------------------------
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'
-------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old,' the husband said. 'We may not have 45 minutes.’ They were seated immediately.
-------------------------------------------------------
The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
-------------------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
-------------------------------------------------------
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-------------------------------------------------------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'
Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'
Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
-------------------------------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks to the Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'
------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?'
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'
-------------------------------------------------------
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
'Give me one last request, dear,' he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
-----------------------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later, the Rabbi calls the man and says, 'Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
'Take the poison.'
-------------------------------------------------------
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
----------------------------------------------------
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.
-------------------------------------------------------
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
seemed way too qualified for the job.
'Look Miss,' said the foreman, 'have you any actual experience in picking lemons?'
'Well, as a matter if fact, yes!' she replied. 'I've been divorced three times.'
-------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
-------------------------------------------------------
Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
All the DNA is the same.
-------------------------------------------------------
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'
-------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old,' the husband said. 'We may not have 45 minutes.’ They were seated immediately.
-------------------------------------------------------
The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
-------------------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
-------------------------------------------------------
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-------------------------------------------------------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'
Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'
Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
-------------------------------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks to the Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'
------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?'
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'
-------------------------------------------------------
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
'Give me one last request, dear,' he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
-----------------------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later, the Rabbi calls the man and says, 'Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
'Take the poison.'
Are you Martha or Maxine?
Martha: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone
to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up
eating it, anyway!
Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with
the potatoes.
Maxine: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up
to a year.
to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up
eating it, anyway!
Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with
the potatoes.
Maxine: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up
to a year.
Martha: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit
of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the
outside of the cake.
Maxine: Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
Martha: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,
drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an
instant 'fix-me-up.'
Maxine: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad.
Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat
it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'
Martha: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator
and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine: Celery? Never heard of it!
Martha: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to
yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg
whites over the crust, so I don't.
Martha: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on
your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your
pains go away!
Martha: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing
gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
Martha: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes
for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!
Maxine: Lastly, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within
the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will
fall off. Really... it's true! Have I ever lied to you?
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they
talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to
cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya
swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down
her panties and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his
tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the
Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to
cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya
swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down
her panties and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his
tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the
Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver'
but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
True Redneck Tube Top!!!!
True Redneck Tube Top!!!!
Originally uploaded by Pam's Inbox
True Redneck Tube Top!!!!
This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama, Walmart while she
was going to the Flea market.
This is hysterical! Look at it closely.
Now I ask you...
Who but a redneck... stands and looks at a pair of men's briefs and
says hummmm...I can make a nice summer top from these!!
On the other hand...$6 for a three pack is a good price!!
Verbal Cartoonist
Last month, the local newspaper published a few of Dan Liebert's pet peeves. I was hooked.
Today I did a search on this "Verbal Cartoonist" and giggled, then laughed until I nearly stopped breathing. Tears were streaming down my face and my lower lip trembled a little as I tried to suck it up and be serious, which, if you know me, is hard for me to do no matter what the situation.
Here are some of Dan Liebert's pet peeves:
And check out his blog. It's unlike any other blog you've ever read. Guaranteed.
Enjoy!
Today I did a search on this "Verbal Cartoonist" and giggled, then laughed until I nearly stopped breathing. Tears were streaming down my face and my lower lip trembled a little as I tried to suck it up and be serious, which, if you know me, is hard for me to do no matter what the situation.
Here are some of Dan Liebert's pet peeves:
- When my opera cape gets caught on homeless people's junk.
- Bad art in motel rooms, especially bad performance art.
- When a woman stands near me and people think her ugly baby is mine and it is.
- Big, conceited bodies of water, especially Lake Superior.
- When a can of cheap peas says "Pea Color and Size May Vary" and inside there's just one giant blue pea.
- Halloween decorations in a hospice.
And check out his blog. It's unlike any other blog you've ever read. Guaranteed.
Enjoy!
Fishin'
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently
with two ice chests full of fish.
He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked
the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of them there
licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em
swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into
these here ice chests and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."
The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It's the
truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."
"O.K." said the warden. "I've got to see this!"
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"
"Well, what?" says the redneck.
The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!" replied the warden!
"What fish?" replied the redneck.
Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we
ain't as dumb as some government employees.
You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone
retiring and moving north.
with two ice chests full of fish.
He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked
the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of them there
licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em
swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into
these here ice chests and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."
The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It's the
truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."
"O.K." said the warden. "I've got to see this!"
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"
"Well, what?" says the redneck.
The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!" replied the warden!
"What fish?" replied the redneck.
Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we
ain't as dumb as some government employees.
You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone
retiring and moving north.
Trucker’s load spills onto I-5 near Eugene, chickens die
Here is an interesting news article from today's Statesman Journal. And sorry PETA, but this is funny. The mental visuals are just too much.
-Pam
The Associated Press
January 29, 2008
EUGENE — To head off that old question: The chickens had no intention of crossing the road.
Instead, they came crashing off a trailer, in crates, leaving feathers and carcasses on a mile-long stretch of Interstate 5.
Oregon State Police said about 20 crates bound for Southern California fell near an exit at Eugene.
Each contained eight to 10 chickens.
Three drivers reported hitting crates.
Some of the fowl died inside, others on the highway or in the snow-filled ditches.
Troopers said they had no estimate of the number.
The driver of a pickup truck, Xin Li, 39, got a $242 ticket for a loose and shifting load that totaled about 160 crates, troopers said. They said straps on Li’s trailer broke.
As the living clucked, a state trooper contemplated the carnage.
“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” Oregon State Police trooper Blain Hlebechuk told the Eugene Register-Guard. “I’ve never gotten a call about chickens in the roadway.”
Tony Kilmer has. The 15-year veteran of the Oregon Department of Transportation helped to clean up the mess and said it was nothing new.
“A lot of trucks running up and down I-5 dump their loads,” he said. “We’ve cleaned up chickens before. We’ve chased cows and sheep and horses off the road. It happens more often than you’d think.”
The original news link from the Statesman Journal is here: http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080129/UPDATE/80129021
-Pam
The Associated Press
January 29, 2008
EUGENE — To head off that old question: The chickens had no intention of crossing the road.
Instead, they came crashing off a trailer, in crates, leaving feathers and carcasses on a mile-long stretch of Interstate 5.
Oregon State Police said about 20 crates bound for Southern California fell near an exit at Eugene.
Each contained eight to 10 chickens.
Three drivers reported hitting crates.
Some of the fowl died inside, others on the highway or in the snow-filled ditches.
Troopers said they had no estimate of the number.
The driver of a pickup truck, Xin Li, 39, got a $242 ticket for a loose and shifting load that totaled about 160 crates, troopers said. They said straps on Li’s trailer broke.
As the living clucked, a state trooper contemplated the carnage.
“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” Oregon State Police trooper Blain Hlebechuk told the Eugene Register-Guard. “I’ve never gotten a call about chickens in the roadway.”
Tony Kilmer has. The 15-year veteran of the Oregon Department of Transportation helped to clean up the mess and said it was nothing new.
“A lot of trucks running up and down I-5 dump their loads,” he said. “We’ve cleaned up chickens before. We’ve chased cows and sheep and horses off the road. It happens more often than you’d think.”
The original news link from the Statesman Journal is here: http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080129/UPDATE/80129021
Have you ever wondered what idiots look like?
Have you ever wondered what
idiots looks like?
Well, wonder no more!
YES, THAT IS A POWER STRIP FLOATING ON FLIP FLOPS
Extracurricular Activities?
Looking for one thing and stumbled across another. You know how that happens?
Love the third link down on the left side. Click on it to see the students with their "projects."
Do they get credit for this? What's the grading scale - is it based strictly on points bagged? Or do they take an average of the total points bagged (is 'bagged' even the right term to use here?) and base individual grades on percentage of the total? How many points do you have to get if you want an A?
Please post your comments on how you'd grade these kids.
Love the third link down on the left side. Click on it to see the students with their "projects."
Do they get credit for this? What's the grading scale - is it based strictly on points bagged? Or do they take an average of the total points bagged (is 'bagged' even the right term to use here?) and base individual grades on percentage of the total? How many points do you have to get if you want an A?
Please post your comments on how you'd grade these kids.
Small Towns
Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this.
Those who didn't will be in disbelief and won't understand how true it is.
1) You can name everyone you graduated with.
2) You know what 4-H means.
3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday, you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.)
4) You used to 'drag'
5) You whispered the 'F' word and your parents knew within the hour.
6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers, because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.
7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow.) Besides, where would you get the money?
8) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
12) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to
13) The golf course had only 9 holes.
14) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
16) The town next to you was considered 'trashy' or 'snooty,' but was actually just like your town.
17) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1955 as the 'rich' people.
18) The people in the 'big city' dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the Dairy Queen.
20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference.
23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names.
25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
27) There was no McDonald's.
28) The closest mall was over an hour away.
29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
30) You've pee'd in a cornfield.
31) Most people went by a nickname.
32) You laughed your butt off reading this because you know it is true, and you forward it to everyone who may have lived in a small town.
I would not have wanted to have been raised any other way!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)