In the news, there was a story of a police officer who discovered a serious car accident where a station wagon went off the road and hit a tree. The only person in the vehicle was the driver, who was dead.
The news reporter on the scene later a commented that the police officer had spoken with the driver.
I continued watching the news, considering the possibility that the police officer used a Ouija board or held a seance at the side of the road...
Then the reporter came back on to say they asked the authorities on the scene if they really did talk with the driver. They wanted to find out what actually happened.
Turns out the driver is alive and well, this wasn't a fatality after all. For him, anyway. There was a passenger in the vehicle who was dead, but had been dead for a while prior to the crash.
The station wagon is actually a hearse...
Showing posts with label Cops. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cops. Show all posts
Bits and Pieces
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss andIt's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to UtahSet your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacistwith a limited inventory
The statement below is true.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to UtahSet your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacistwith a limited inventory
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)
When you work here, you can name your own salary.
Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)
When you work here, you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
Red meat is not bad for you;
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
DUI-TEXAS Style
Only a person in Texas would think of this.
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin , Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and t hen switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a Breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.
This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy...'
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin , Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and t hen switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a Breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.
This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy...'
Flat Tire
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over
to
the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the
trunk.
I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of
my
car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe!
They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts
to the
approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing
down
looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up.
Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long
before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he
was
not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him,
"Hello-o-o-o-o-o,
those are my emergency flashers!"
to
the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the
trunk.
I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of
my
car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe!
They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts
to the
approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing
down
looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up.
Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long
before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he
was
not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him,
"Hello-o-o-o-o-o,
those are my emergency flashers!"
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