so it seems...

I have CDO.

That's OCD, only with the letters in alphabetical order... the way they're supposed to be.

HOW DO THESE FOLKS SURVIVE ???

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply..
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today..'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a
credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.'
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?'
I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
 As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says,
'I just gave him some ant killer......'
 Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

Bits and Pieces

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

Heaven is Where:

The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:

The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss andIt's all organized by the Italians.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to UtahSet your watch back 20 years.

In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacistwith a limited inventory

The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE

Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)

When you work here, you can name your own salary.

I named mine, "Fred".

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you;

Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Don't sweat the petty things.

Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

The Ass Family

This has become an inside joke at my house. Every time we see one of these families stuck to the back of a mini van window, our daughter announces, "Oh look! The Ass Family!"

Ponderisms...

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address ?

Wabbit

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

To which the lady replied, "Yes."

"Well," the rabbit said,

"I'm just westing."

Deodorant Stick

I bought a deodorant stick today. I'd never used one before, so I read the instructions. They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom'.

I'm in the Emergency Room at the moment, but my farts smell lovely!!!

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED

* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees
and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open
Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm
Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the
Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, ...

Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ....

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'

The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request ???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"

The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen Very Carefully!!!! FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID ...."

"BRING POSSE"

Jimmy McPerson, war hero

Click the picture to view it larger.

(I wonder what grade he got?)

Perpetual Motion, revised

An American magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit
new scientific theories on ANY subject.
Below is the winner:
Subject: Perpetual Motion

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands buttered side down.

Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered
side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will
cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground.

If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a
high-speed monorail system.

.....and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients:

I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the
buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered
side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well
with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast -
and butter the cats.

Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and
butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for
carpet.

Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple
formula: p = s * t(t)/t? where p is the probability of carpet impact, s
is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of
the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the
carpet.

Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s
value of water is zero.

t? and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p
being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the
carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent
and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if
you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this
combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability
of a cat landing on its feet.

Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to
hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as
the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash
resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting
accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have
happened if their party was in power as there would have been more
investment in cat-toast glue research.

Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also
public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be
replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala
floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

I had trubl vit ze last bit

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w"with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas! __________________

Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and de-flower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute... Is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England -- but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband; and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam !)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight, and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...???)
(Did our government pay for this research?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning.)

Is Google God?

The Church Of Google believes a convincing argument can be made stating that the search engine Google is the closest mankind has ever come to experiencing an actual Deity. Come find out why --> http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/

Pam's notes:

Be sure to read the hate mail. How many grammatical and spelling errors can you count? And they're blaming Google for this? Jesus didn't start Christianity any more than Google started Googlism.

Oh. The last one (Hate Mail #1) is priceless.

Also check out the prayers section. The last one left me rolling in the aisles. Literally.

Still not convinced this is the best thing you've read in a long time? Try the arguments. Hmmm, snarky but pointed answers.

Angry with me for encouraging this? Please read the tags below this post.

Thank you.

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!' The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ??? Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone !!!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

Who is your Role Model?

WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL???
Try it without looking at the answers......
please don't look down until you do it, you'll love it I promise

GET A CALCULATOR (YOUR COMPUTER HAS ONE ON IT)

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the
calculator....)

4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....

5) Add the digits together

Now Scroll down ..............

Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Einstein

2. Nelson Mandela

3. Abraham Lincoln

4. Helen Keller

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. George Clooney

8. Thomas Edison

9. Pam Hawk

10. Abraham Lincoln

I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be
like me.... :-) Believe it!

P.S.: Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with
it!!!!

NOW CHANGE YOUR NAME ON NO. 9 AND SEND IT ON!!
HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mathematical Logic - SO TRUE!!!

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable
mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How
about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K -N -O -W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T -T -I -T - U - D - E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U -L -L -$ -H -I -T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a$$ kissing will take you.

A -$ -$ -K -I -S -S -I -N -G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard Work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's
the Bull$hit and A$$ kissing that will put you over the top.

God and Minnesota

BLESSED MINNESOTA

On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said: 'Today, I
am
going to create a land called Minnesota. It will be a land of
outstanding
natural beauty; a land of 10,000 beautiful lakes, each one full of fish.
It
shall have tall majestic pines, peacefully flowing rivers, landscapes
full of
buffalo, tall grass, and eagles, beautiful blue skies, forests full of
bear, elk and moose, rich farmland and strong people.' God continued, 'I
shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants
prosper and they shall be known as a most friendly people, people who
practice being
Minnesota Nice every day.'

'But Lord,' asked Gabriel, 'don't you think you are being too
generous to these Minnesotans?'

'Not really,' replied God 'just wait and see the winters I am going
to give them.'

...AND NOW YOU KNOW

Idiots All Over The Place . . .

IDIOT SIGHTING:

REPAIRMAN: We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman
told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large'
enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had
the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his
head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2
was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

McDonalds: My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out
window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also
handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said,
'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She
sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I
did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but
they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give
me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

TACO BELL: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. From Kansas City

DEER CROSSING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many
deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good
place for them to be crossing anymore.'

AIRPORT: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

STREET LIGHTS: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals blind people when the light is green.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!' She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

FAREWELL LUNCHEON. At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.
She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented
cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another
word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

WIRING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no
less.

UNLOCKED. When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to
the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I
already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

STAY ALERT! They walk and drive among us... And the scary part is that
they VOTE and they REPRODUCE

Keep the fun going! Add your own and pass it on!!