The Mustard Story

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh
bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table
in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my
wife suddenly at my side.

'Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching
again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster.

It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding

With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys
do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife Said,
'Now you know why they call that fancy mustard 'Poupon.''

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.


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