There were two nuns...

One of the Nuns was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .


It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.


SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.


SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.


SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?


SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.


SM: It's not working.


SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.


SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.


SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.


So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.


Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.


Then Sister Logical arrives.


SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!


SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me


SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?


SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.


SM: And?


SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.


SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?


SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.


SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?


SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.


SM: Oh, no! What happened then?


SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.






And for those of you who thought it would be about sex, say two Hail Marys!

LOST CHURCHES OF LOUISIANA

The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating. It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area.

One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans.
The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the black woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the local woman replied, "I don't know about all those other people, but we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gits our chicken from Popeye's."

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.

Corn Maze for Blondes

I sent the following FW: to a friend.  She is not blonde, but her response is priceless.  Now I need to figure out how to explain it to her.  Any suggestions?  LOL

******************************************

Not funney.. What thats suppuse to mean?

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FW: Corn maze

U will like this one - found on Rt 6 between Sandusky & Fremont, OH

 

The little Angel on top of the Christmas tree

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Rectal Thermometer

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says: 'Well, that's great.... that's just great....

Some asshole's got my pen!

Bits and Pieces

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

Heaven is Where:

The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:

The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss andIt's all organized by the Italians.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to UtahSet your watch back 20 years.

In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacistwith a limited inventory

The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE

Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)

When you work here, you can name your own salary.

I named mine, "Fred".

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you;

Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Don't sweat the petty things.

Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.