Letter To God from The Dog

I think Caesar must have written this one...

Dear God: I have a few questions and concerns.

Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same
old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to re name the 'Chrysler Eagle' the ' Chrysler

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be
a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.

2. I will not roll on bunny poop, earthworms, bird poop, dead seagulls,
crabs etc., just because I like the way it smells.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Mom's underwear when she's on the

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying 'hello'.

8. I'm not supposed to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the
coffee table ...

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
not after.

10. I must not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I must not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S.. When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?


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If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

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If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.


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