1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use
4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
8. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.
9. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never
know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. THEY'RE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT
THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Also...Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.