Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Victoria's Secret and other bits of wisdom

I know what Victoria's Secret is.
The secret is that nobody older than 40 can fit into their stuff.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

So metimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing!
You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like,
"You know, sometimes I just forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys.
But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills.
She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

The trouble with some women is.... that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are:
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.
Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.

thanks

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