Military Words of Wisdom

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
- U.S. Air Force Manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons."
- General MacArthur
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You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I
am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club."
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What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, ... the pilot dies."
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"Never trade luck for skill."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation
"Why is it doing that?",
"Where are we?"
And "Oh S...!"
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Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
complete the flight."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
power to taxi to the terminal."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn
off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives,
the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?".
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.


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