Monday, October 27, 2008

The worst first date! (Ya gotta read this - long but worth it!)

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first
date or not!

We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date
that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience. There was
absolutely no
question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah .

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and
truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home
late
that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she
gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra
latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the
middle
of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did
for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a
point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside
the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down
and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let
her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed was
a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about
was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the
situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another
sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
were
firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to
poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh
from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the
extreme
cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment,
she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a
reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some
assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater
and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out
laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to
compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with
a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her
chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
place,
both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip
his
pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.'

And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leon's comment...
'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh and how did the first date turn out?
He became her husband and was sitting
next to her.

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.

thanks

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