Ten steps to becoming a Homecoming Queen

There are two ways to become Homecoming Queen. This first version was mentioned at the Thrifty Decor Chick blog. The ten tips remind me of the controversial 1955 guide to being a good housewife.

Wanting to be "helpful" (yah, helpful in getting my friends to meet their daily humor quota) I shared the article with a few friends. One friend decided to dumb it down into terms any Redneck Homecoming Queen Wannabe can understand and master.

The original article in its entirety is here.
Scroll all the way down to the bottom to read my friend's thirty-one word summary. (Warning, probably not language you want the little ones repeating.)

How to Become Homecoming Queen

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

A lot of girls dream about being that girl who gets to be homecoming queen. Make that girl be you!


  1. Be nice to everyone. Homecoming queens are voted by their peers, so if everyone likes you, you have a good chance of being chosen. That means being nice, not fake. If you're nice to people but then talk about them behind their back, they still won't like you. Even if everyone else around you is saying bad things about someone, say something like, "Guys, I hate talking about people, could you please stop." This way, you're not being rude to them. Keep up the "ultra-sweet-can't-help-but-love-me" attitude and you'll see a difference.
  2. Be attractive and well-groomed. Looks count. You don't have to be model-thin or anything, but do try to look attractive. Keep your hair nice, wear trendy clothes, and have clean and straight white teeth. Just pamper yourself and be beautiful!
  3. Try enhancing your look. Your look should be natural without looking like you've tried too hard.
  4. Try not to act slutty. Obviously, you'll lose respect, votes, and you'll be getting the wrong type of attention.
  5. Flirt! You want to be the girl everyone loves and this includes guys. If you have a boyfriend though, don't flirt, that'll just get you a bad name. Regardless, remain equally friendly to everyone.
  6. Keep your grades up. Again, this will just get you respect and people will like you more. Remember that keeping your grades up is important so you'll even get to that homecoming. You may lose votes from those who consider those who slack academically "losers".
  7. Be yourself. In other words, don't let others tell you what or who to be. If you're shy, still be yourself but try to relax and be more outgoing. Shy girls don't get voted to be homecoming queen. Learn to be assertive and confident.
  8. Be comfortable everywhere you go. Try to relax, be more outgoing, and have fun around people. There's no reason why you should be nervous - try to see everyone as friends and treat them like it.
  9. Be known. Get yourself involved in a lot of activities. That way, you know a bunch of people. Join other extra-curricular activities in your school like dance, basketball, soccer, etc.
  10. Hang out with everyone, unless they are into drugs and other bad things. Make an effort to get to know everyone, but don't become friends just to snag the homecoming crown. Be friendly, relaxed, and open.


  • Smile as much as you can - even on bad days.
  • Go to a hairstylist for a trendier hairstyle.
  • Get new clothes and keep your wardrobe up to date with the latest fashions.
  • Practice talking and smiling in front of the mirror.
  • Learn the latest songs and dances.


  • You may spend less time in close relationships with people you care about; don't let them feel they're being snubbed. Just tell them how important this is to you and let them know they're still in your heart and you'll be back when the vote's in.
  • Don't take this too seriously. You'll seem desperate if you show that you care a whole lot about being homecoming queen. Remember that it's your last year and you want to make it memorable - not painful.
  • Its OK if you didn't win Don't blame anyone, (unless they did it on purpose) if you lost. Don't beat yourself up. Just shrug your shoulders, and start talking, dancing, playing around with your friends.

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Become Homecoming Queen. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.


And now here is my friend's summary, tip by tip:

Have to dumb it down a little for me.

1. Don’t be a biittcchh
2. Wash your crotch.
3. Stuff your bra
4. Be something you are not
6. Keep your skirt up
8. Sweat pants and ho hos
9. Get around
10. sleep with everyone.

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.


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