breathe.
I'll have to read the rest of these a little later.
*sigh* Whew!
Enjoy!
-Pam
PS: Yes, of course they're from my mother.
>
> Subject: The Old Hollywood Squares.
>
>
>
> If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this
> may bring tears to your eyes. These great questions and answers are
> from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
> spontaneous, not
> scripted, and Peter Marshall was the host.
>
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
> Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
> you be?
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
> Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or
> a woman?
> A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
> you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if
> he's married?
> A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning .
>
> Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love
> You'?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
>
> Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
> apartment.
>
> Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
> hands while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
> I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
>
> Q Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
> Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.
> Are you going to get any during the first year?
> A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
> camps. One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail.
> What will a goose do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
> Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
> the habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
> head, what was he trying to do ?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
> and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do
> in bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!
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