Monday, October 20, 2008

The Old Hollywood Squares

I am laughing so hard I had to stop reading for a while so I could
breathe.
I'll have to read the rest of these a little later.
*sigh* Whew!

Enjoy!
-Pam

PS: Yes, of course they're from my mother.

>
> Subject: The Old Hollywood Squares.
>
>
>
> If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this
> may bring tears to your eyes. These great questions and answers are
> from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
> spontaneous, not
> scripted, and Peter Marshall was the host.
>
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
> Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
> you be?
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
> Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or

> a woman?
> A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
> you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if

> he's married?
> A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning .
>
> Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love
> You'?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
>
> Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
> apartment.
>
> Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
> hands while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
> I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
>
> Q Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
> Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.
> Are you going to get any during the first year?
> A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
> camps. One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail.
> What will a goose do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
> Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into

> the habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
> head, what was he trying to do ?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
> and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do
> in bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.

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