Southern Home Security System

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's work boots, used,
size 14-16. $2.00
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo
Magazine. Magazine - $3.00
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. $5.00
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim: I went for more shotgun shells and to
pick my check up from the slaughterhouse. I should be back in an hour..
Don't mess with the Pit Bulls--don't know what got into them, but they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house..

Better wait out here on the porch.

"Cooter"

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