Friday, January 4, 2008

They Still Walk Among Us

A friend of mine had some personal experiences with these people, when
he worked at "The Disney Studios Park" in FL.

Guest: What time does the three-o-clock parade start?
Me: Well it starts at three-o-clock sir!
Guest: Thanks!

Me working at an attraction:
Guest: Have you been on this?
Or
Guest: "Is this safe"

I'm not one of the people who get sick of the bathroom question,
however. Of course they don't know where it is, they might never have
been here before! I have patience for that sort of thing. But less so if
I'm standing literally at the bathroom entrance.

I'm wearing an elaborate costume:
Guest: "Excuse me sir do you work here?"
________________________________

On Labor Day this call came in from a customer in New York:
Customer: "I need to talk to someone about my membership."
Operator: "The membership office is closed today due to the holiday, but they will be available from 8am-4:30pm tomorrow."
Customer: "But I really ned to talk to someone today. This can't wait."
Operator: "Ma'am, the membership office is the only office that has the information about your membership and they are closed today due to the holiday. They will be open tomorrow."
Customer: "What about California?"
Operator: "California?"
Customer: "Can I talk to someone in California? Do you have an office in California? It's still daylight there."
Operator: "Yes, but it is still Labor day at our California office and they are also closed right now. Tell you what, the first office that will open after the holiday is our New York office. They will be in at 8:00am tomorrow morning."
Customer: "Ok, thanks."
________________________________

Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get
through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for
Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don 't understand who you are talking
about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone
Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring ServicesCaller:"Does your European Breakdown Policy cover
me when I am traveling in Australia ?"
Operator: "Does the product name give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe
)"If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I
have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar,
please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling
is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell
off."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator:"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the
window to write the number on."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that
I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my
file back again?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this
guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the
WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring
the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was
fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization
for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect
Customer Support employee.(Now I know why they record these
conversations!)
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don 't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find
the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's
because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power . A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your
computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought
it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.

thanks

Thank you to all the authors, photographers, email passers-on, and clueless rednecks who unknowingly contributed to this collection of emails and photos.

If you authored or photographed anything in this collection, or appeared in any photos shared here, please let us know and we will gladly give you full credit for your work. If you would like us to remove your work/photo(s) please let us know, and they will be forever removed from this site as soon as we receive your request. Either way, please allow us a few days to make changes, as we access this site only a few times a week.

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