Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Puns

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

"A beer please, and one for the road."

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field; Daisy says to Dolly,

"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.

11.Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says,
"I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. There are
five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mom
or my Dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother
Ho-Cha-Chu. But, I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

15. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
"No, the steaks are too high."

16. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.

17. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat
it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks,
"Is the bar tender here?"

21. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"Sorry we don't serve food in here."

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.

thanks

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